happy new years =D im ready to see what this year has to offer me, and the ones apart of my life

no goodnights anymore

so much

only so much one can do before they decide to give up.
and im to the point of fuck it

if u love them let them go, if you have to chase after them, they werent your's in the first place haha

i hate

that when he is gone, i fein for his touch whixh burns my skin & i must add that i love it, his kiss which is like the sweetest fruit, and just the feeling of his presence which makes my heart beat faster then it should. … . =/

i should tell u

i should tell you- rent

ROGER

I Should Tell You I'm Disaster
I Forget How To Begin It

MIMI
Let's Just Make This Part Go Faster
I Have Yet -- To Be In It
I Should Tell You

ROGER
I Should Tell You

MIMI
I Should Tell You

ROGER
I Should Tell You

MIMI
I Should Tell I Blew The Candle Out
Just To Get Back In

ROGER
I'd Forgotten How to Smile
Until Your Candle Burned My Skin

MIMI
I Should Tell You

ROGER
I Should Tell You

MIMI
I Should Tell You

BOTH
I Should Tell

Well, Here We Go
Now We--

MIMI
Oh No

ROGER
I Know--This Something Is
Here Goes--

MIMI
Here Goes

ROGER
Guess So
It's Starting To
-Who Knows-

MIMI
Who Knows

BOTH
Who Knows Where
Who Goes There
Who Knows
Here Goes

Trusting Desire - Starting To Learn
Walking Through Fire Without A Burn
Clinging - A Shoulder, A Leap Begins
Stinging And Older, Asleep On Pins
So Here We Go
Now We--

ROGER
Oh No

MIMI
I Know

ROGER
Oh No

BOTH
Who Knows Where - Who Goes There

Here Goes - Here Goes
Here Goes - Here Goes
Here Goes - Here Goes

my stewie pjs =]

this christmas is truuly great, im gettin my body back hah

i remember, it seems like yesterday. that i couldnt wait for santa to come, because he was the one thing that made my reality not like most, i believed in santa til i was 12 ahaha, its a shame i know but, ive always been a dreamer, someone who cant except reality like most can, there is definatly more to this big picture then the eye can see, and more than the mind can even stratch!. when i found santa wasnt real, it only took my reality and made it worth what? if there is nothing magical in this world, whats the point?the older i got the more i found there is magic in this place called life, something more amazing than santa. i realized this maybe 3 or 5 yrs ago when i was observing. i saw … .love, in every form. It amazed me to see how something could take soo many shapes and sizes, and it still does. love is the magic in this world that many seem to overlook or disregard. and that is why its powers, and strength are so weak now a days.
thats all i wanted to say haha <3

i have found love lls.

i got the baddest scraf in the land! ahaha

I

love

this

scarf! <3

merry christmas !

dec 24

is most def. the most stressful day outta the year, every year

the world should revolve around me

currently listening to little jackie - the world should revolve around me

haha

something i did . . kinda punnie but i like it

i cant wait

to get the dimple pericings and the medusa ahhhh :]

i like

i am more than excitied to be in the relationship im in, this christamas
i couldnt be happier.

this guy

so there is this guy, and we have had a kinda bummpy road, i guess you could say.
but i think it going to smooth out now(knock on wood)
i absoultely love his open mind and artistic-ness, his personality, and style.
he is actually quite amazing.
i garentee you would think the same.

love isnt an act

i wish

but don't forget

But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you…Your muscles will toughen. So will your heart and soul. That’s necessary for survival. But don’t lose touch with that person deep inside you, or else you won’t really have survived at all.


Louis Sachar

The avatar

this was a spectacular 4 star movie in my book. James Cameron has done it again, first the heart rinching titanic and now this. this movie is beyond imagination, ever since i left the theater it has been on my mind. It has a very powerful inner meaning, and opens your eyes, to see how blind and ignorant we as beings are towards life and nature. the story is about an ex-Marine who is paralized waist down(Sam Worthington) who finds himself forced into the forest on an alien planet filled with exotic life forms. scientist creat Avatars, an transfer the human mind in an alien body, (Sam Worthington)finds himself torn between two worlds, in a fight for his own survival and of the natives of the land.


i was even more impressed with the casting, which was consisting of
Sam Worthington

Zoe Saldana

Sigourney Weaver

Stephen Lang

who all did an astonishing job help creat a superb movie experience
i incourage all to see this movie

i want to start new

i think ima start another blog. so i can rid of all the old
and so i can post my opinion on movies ahaha

i have trust issues

i have trust issues.
straight up
noone has proven shit.
who can i trust?
why should i trust them?

smh

im one depressed bitch hahaha

today was horrible

SO TODAY ....... i was suppose to go to south carolina with my ty baby, moms, sis one of her friends and pops. but. . . . .that whole plan went down the drain COMPLETELY, its a long story but basically, i ended up staying home wit mom. we had no transportation anywhere so we sat around and watch movies all day. i eat like a cow and was really missing my boyfriend and got more bored by the hour. I had past the point of miserable around 7:00pm. i have not been out the house or neighborhood in a week(other than school). i have school monday, and i refuse to go tuesday, when christmas is coming up extremely soon. then new years comes right after. and i have noone to bring in the new year with me :-/ smh
things are looking quite boring for me yall. and i refuse to let that be.

so bored it is ridiculous

me AND my good friend the mcchicken.

secrets

is it soo hard to claim me as your girl?
i look around, and nowhere am i found.
u can't claim me in anyway, its like im some secret locked away
u talk about yourself and what you do, but nowhere does it say . . . .in a relationship . .  .with who?
what am i to think when you can't claim me. . . .
what am i to say when i tell ppl tht you know and they had no clue . .

sounds like someones got a secret being held back if you ask me.

her. . .

this is my cousin, she is the one person that has proven to me that i can trust her with anything, and come to her no matter what the problem.we have been through so much together, bad and good, we've both seen each others tear, and brightest smiles.she is almost like a big sister to me. i love her for everything she does for me, and the advice she gives, even though we have had our differences. our friend ship stay's the same.

<3

ugh some ppl!

i hate when, you do so much for someone, and they act like
you owe them and that they cant do anything for u. .. . . . smh
i owe noone anything at all.

the truth is ....

i don't want your poems about how you feel about me
i don't want your bullshit sweet talk to make me feel better.
i don't want the a.m messages because, thats
the same game you gave the others before me and it makes me feel like every other female
whom's heart you held but, couldnt take care of.
i don't ever want to go to the park with you ever again, i don't want to step foot on it's grounds, because
you walked it with another with passion in your hearts.
i don't want excuses for every rumor/inccident that i confornt you about.
plus i know more then people think i do, i just choose to keep it to myself
i don't want a song, because now that you;ve spolied me i want a playlist aha
i don't want your sweet words or i love you's, because you only use them to make me un upset with you.
i want your words through your eyes, and lips

i hate you, but
because i love you
i hate saying love, because it's horrible.
but i love how your mind works, "crafty" . . .right?
i told myself from the get go i was in over my head, and i was right
your way out of my league, and i can't bealieve that any of this can even be.
never would i ever had seen these feelings for you coming.
they can feel so gud lyk im on a cloud, but then they can feel so wrong
and surprisingly im looking forward to see where this will take us.
because as mad as you make me, i've never been happier
<3

im not flawless

im not flawless,
i have blemishes
im not thin
i have curves
im not quite
i tend to be loud
im not very quick with thought
i have to take my time
im worrisome
i can't help i over think everything
im a dreamer
i like to get away
im fragile
i just want love.

i am your fool

Here i am, i am your fool
do as you will with me
i give you my heart, who's beats are undefined
do as you will with it
i'll give you my mind, with thoughts oh so divine about you
do as you will with them
i'll give you my lungs which breaths your air
do as you will with that
i'll give you my stomach which only hungers for more of you
my eyes who only want to glance at you
my lips who only want to become companions with yours
my ears who yern to hear your voice
my hands because all they want is to touch you

But............................

take my heart, and brake it
my mind, and ignore it
my lungs, and give no air
my stomach, and share no food
my eyes, and blind fold them
my lips, and kiss with no feeling
my ears, and speak nothing
my hands and not hold.

Then i will have been your fool . . . . .

gentelmen don’t

i think i just realized the alternate meaning of that song. smh it can mean many many things.

i heard

i heard a heart beat..........faster than the usual.

SOBE story

what their eyes see, isn't really me.
i'm not really brianna marie.
most of the times i am only bri.
the girl who is and always has been in pain.sometimes i feel it will never go away.
it can eat a person alive, to have secrets that they lie to them selfs about so that they can forget it.
it can eat a peron alive, to deny and deny what they know is true.
it is in the past, but yet still haunts my present.
a friend of mine said, "you have to many regrets". . . . . .
i simply looked at her an said "you would too."

i'm trying to move away from my past because i am completely happy with my persent
and the people in it.
but it is soo hard to let go of something thats been on your back, in your head, by your side for 4 years now.

damnit i got a head ach.

sooooooo......

soooo, i'm def. taking a chance with this.
idc wat had been done in the past.
the time is now.
and i'm hoping there is change.
i am hoping, the lies, the
duplicates, the flirts, the unknowns, all end here.
and everything starts
at a new.

:)

he is a little strange 
he makes me scratch my head
at times.
he always has me smiling
he never lets me down
he is not ya typical
he's quit sincere
he a dork
and thats ok,
i like him this way.
:)

11.18.09

ummm welll, i dnt really have anything to tlk about. i've been in a almost a perfect mood ever since 11.18.09 ahaha my minds been on cloud 9. and not much has really gotten to me. sooooooooooo
tht bein said, once i've come down some.or when some1 gives me a new and interesting topic i'll proberly have more to post  :)

i used to have my head in the clouds and follow the crowds

i used to have my head in the clouds and follow the crowds, but now i see thts not wats meant for me. u all do wat eachother does. but im no longer apart of yall, im on my own. with my own mind.
with my own style and with my own kinda lets get wild.

i dnt need to grind my behind on no nigga fo his pleasure, what fun is that?
i dnt need to wear heels around the mall to try and look cute
i dnt need to go to every f-n social event, just so i can have my name and face out there, and for what?
i dnt need to be a complete bitch to everyone.
i dnt need to listen to these ridiculously wack rappers, jus b'c everone else do.
i dnt need to run around act ghetto and claim a random state tht im not even from. beacuse
i except were i am.

there's no need for drinks, idc to get "buzzed"
or "saucey"

i dnt need to be up on my "slang"
or need sum random guy to bang
i dnt need half the ppl i kno.
even though, ive come to find
but they may need me.


i may not have A's and B's
and struggle to spell a simply word like "please"

but my mind is right where it needs to be.

why, .......

why, does my heart skip a beat when i look into his eyes :)

sweeter than you.

This is the game we play to lose, Yet and still I choose You

memories of you

i mis you less than i thought i would.
i miss you more than i think i do.
i want you less than i thought i did.
and i love you more than i ever knew.

MARY KATHERINE MEADOWS, age 16

how i fell in love.

his eyes are endless in a deep pool of beauty
and i want to put on my swimsuit and swim around in them.
his voice is as soft as a baby's whisper.
i love every waking moment with him. i also love
the non-waking moments
he is my first, my last, my everything, and my second,
my third, my fourth.
he say's he'll give me the stars, the moon, and the sun.
how about the milky way, and the planets too?
i wonder how he got me to fall in love with him.

JENNIFER HOLMAN, age 17

Blushed

the funniest thing happened to me today,
as i sat in the classroom, in a daydream about him.
the girl sitting across from me asked,
if i was ok, then moments later stated that my eyes shine like i was in love.
ahaha i laughed,"is it possible to be in love with someone who, isnt in with u?"
she gave me a crooked smile, shook her head and said i don't know.
we started to speak of relationships and shady love affairs.
then as the conversation merged from subject to subject.
i hit the topic of him.
as i spoke of him
a smile formed
as i continued to speak of him
i started to giggle
as i seemed to go on forever about him
the girl stated "AW UR BLUSHING!"
i don't blush though...
she handed me her mirror.
ahaha red cheeks had replaced my tan skin.

"well look at that" i said as i smiled at the thought
i was ....BLUSHED

dreaming

dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

smh today, i went over to the area where i use to live, there used to be trees, trees, trees.

but now. . . . .they're all gone :-/
as we passed the song "big yellow taxi" was playing.
my heart was full of pain when i saw all the trees where gone.
call me a hippie, tree hugger, w/e u want.
but this over building, and ridiculous over population.
needs to stop, before we have nothing left. . . . .nothing :-(
 
 
 
COUNTING CROWS- BIG YELLOW TAXI
 
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parkin' lot

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT

I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees - please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they've paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door swing,

And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Now don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now now, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not, they paved paradise
They put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey, paved paradise and put up a parking lot

I don't wanna give it Why you wanna give it Why you wanna givin it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it I should wanna give it
Cuz you're givin it all away, no no

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTC6m-a3U9w

Amazing.

Amazing
is how i feel
my feelings are strange not somethign ive ever felt.
i feel like dancing around, and reaching for the sky. i havent stopped smiling yet.
this feeling is unbelieveable.and weird
i know that happpiness only last in the moment of time. but i want this  . . .whatever it is. to last more than
that. sooo much more.:)

sooo i over heard some people talking about. . . . .

sooo i over heard some people talking about, a man who hated all races but his own which was white.
they said he threw out all of these ridiculous steriotypes. about blacks, hispanics, asian, arib. ect.as i listened in i heard one the females state that she herself hated whites. but she was multiracial.  . . . it confused me to an extreme. i don't understand how u could hate anyone, for the color of there skin, i also don't understand how u could have hate towards ur own! that makes no sense, that means u r hating who u r!
i'm not sure maybe it is just me. maybe i'm the odd ball.
but lord i worry, for those who hate others because all they see is color, and features. :/
when will people ever see personalilty, and not worry about back ground.
why is this world full of hate towards, eachother, not just race but also againt sexual interest, religon, and territory, does noone understand, that we are all in the same place, we all see the same thing, and feel the wind  aginst our skins. does noone realize that we all breath, think, love, smile, frown and laugh.. . . . i . . .
i just wish all the hate towards one another would fade away. but :/ i guess thats asking for to much.

-bri

you make me feel

you make me feel, like everything is goin right. like i can go to sleep tonight.
And wake up to ur voice, down blankets and pillows. :)
-gabe bondoc

i cherish every . . .

i cherish every talk, txt, moment i have with him.
he isnt not like your typical guy, sooo different and fasinating.
i never thought i'd ever feel this way, about anyone or even thinkin about him the way i do.
never have i ever felt this way bout any of the past.
he might be the one that brakes my heart but god im willing to take that chance.
i have guys lined up (no cocky stuff) and as sweet and promising as some of them seem.
i cnt get him off my mind.and turn down every offer.
no one is even remotely comparing to him. at all.
ha, when we 1st meet, never did i see this coming, never, but i'm glad it did. :)

this song :)

i just want u - aj rafeal

Theres something I gotta say to you

ohhh
But im so afraid of what you'll doo
Ohhhh
I'll just admit this to you now
That Im stuck on you like glue somehow
ohhhh
Don't wanna feel so cold inside
I wanna feel the warmth that I feel with you all the time
Surrounding me just like the wind
Cuz youre the one who makes me sing
Help me find myself like how I found you
ohhh
I need you so we can live happily too
ohhh
I just want you x2
I wanna go out with you tonight
A picnic with candlelight
I might just hold you tight
Tell me you wanna be my queen
If not its ok a princess seems just my type I promise I'll be there tonight
I wanna keep you warm in winter's white
And in the summer walks on beach sound nice
I need you now to talk with on the phone for hours at a time
Baby I just want you to be mine all mine
Help me find myself like how I found you oh
I need you so we can live happily too ohh
I just want you
i wanna be ur valentine ur Christmas wish ur pickup line
I wanna be the one who knows about ur friends and foes and the tv shows you love
Look above the stars spell out ur name with an exclamation point at the end of the day ur the one who makes me say
Help me find myself like how I found you oh
I need you so we can live happily too ohh
I just want you x4

somethings come over me

Ernie halter - somethings come over me. :)

in a few years i see myslef on my own

in 7 years i see myslef on my own in my own place.
i plan to have a few tatts and maybe some peircings.
living in a little house, with paints, books, and fabric all over the place :)
def. have my two cats tally and louie with me haha
possibly living with someone. . . .no, i take that back, i will be living with someone, im to scared to live alone
hahaha, seen to many scary movies for that.
but i want to be near a beach. everyone knows the beach is where im happiest, the beach is my safe haven.
i want to be in colloge studying my inturp. degree
and maybe studying fashion :)

hopefully would be settelin down by then also, soo around 24 or 25 maybe yeeeaah i wanna start a fam and what not. . . . . thats my dream of how my life will be
i only hope it will.

:)

I want to see the world!

i want to see the world :)
i want to see all the beachs and
be inroduced to every belief
i want to help those noone even knows are they're
i want to climb to the highest mountain and yell out my victory
i want to to see every skin color and hear every language.
i want to see the moon in every angle and all the stars i havent seen.

who's with me?
haha :)

love is such a silly thing

love is such a silly thing!
it toys with your emotions, makes you listen to songs about it.
makes you think it's something it's not.
hahaha
it can hurt but once you look it in its eyes and dig into its soul . . . . . all u can do is laugh
 b'c it is lonely and scared constantly
but once you and it become one you can sit back and smile :)

i should go now :(

:( im sorry i even crossed his way,. . . . maybe he would be happier. . . . maybe i should just ignore his text, phone calls, comments, and messages, maybe if i leave his lyfe now, it will all get better for him. maybe him and his girl will be more in love and he will smile more. . . . .  i've been selfish in this game of love, wanting him and not thinking of hurting him. maybe its time for me to go now. and just take the pain instead of him.
maybe i should go now and never look back again. maybe if i go now.i'll never see him again and he wont see me.

<3 problem

So i have a history of heart problems, like, i could be sitting down watchin t.v chillin and my heart will start to race and it feels like it is about to bust out my chest, and like i can't breath. i could be sitting talkin on the phone and it would start, it is a horrible feeling, scary too, they had put me on a heart monitor twice. i just couldnt seem to catch any of the episodes. but im use to it now. it happens every once an a while not an everyday thing. it actually has been absent for a while.
but recently it has started again, it doesnt feel the same, not the same hurt as before, it's like my body starts to become weak, head starts to spin and my hearts yells for something.

as i write this i can feel my heart racing inside of my chest it hurts, it's been doing this for a while now. this is the second time today. 5th time this week.

i only wish i know what was wrong
and that someone had a cure

love can turn a stone into a god an a angle into stone




this is one of my favorite movies of all time. after moulin rouge haha

Give up

I'm to the point now that, i just want to give up.
i just want to say, forget it all.
forget it all........
school, work, relationships.
thats the cycle of my life.
i feel like everything is falling apart, slowly as the time goes by.

i feel i have, the church. and i don't even know what to believe when im there.
don't get me wrong, i believe in god, but which story out of the 1,0000's are true. :(

i feel like he can bring me up, but only when he is around, becaus when he isn't with me.......he isn't mine.

i feel i'm never going to graduate, because of a subject they call math....... :p

i feel i'm never goin to be satisfied at my job, and that i'll never get out of there.

i feel as though im all alone on this journey sometimes, this journey that makes no sense, that has a million questions, and no answer's this journey to want to know love but can't seem to meet it.

i feel this journey called life, is only making fun of me sometimes, and kicking me in the ass for stupidity. i think it's about tme to just ........give up.........................

stronger than - gabe bondoc (thinkin bout sos)

Is it my fault I can't speak
Or that my body becomes weak
Or that I can hardly breathe
At the very thought of you

Nothin' ever really got to me
I could always turn the other cheek
Could it be those days are gone?
I could've sworn that I was strong

Or at least stronger than these emotions
That are takin' over me
I swear I'm stronger than these emotions
But they're takin' over me


No no no, this can't be it
The less you are the less she is
No no no, I can usually handle this
Wasn't ready for these


Wasn't ready for these emotions
That are takin' over me
I swear I'm stronger than these emotions
But they're takin' over me


You're the silence in a roaring crowd
You're the equivalent of a fluffy cloud
A genie in a bottle
Make a wish the wish the wishes will never end, never end
You're the platinum in my treasure chest
You're the answer I never woulda guessed
In my love life test
And I don't mind at all, I don't mind at all


Well these emotions
That are takin' over me
I swear that I'm stronger than these emotions
But they're takin' over me


Ooooh
La la la la da da da la la
La la la la
Yeahh

It all works out in the end

So, people look me and ofcourse automatically think i don't know whats its like to have it "bad"..
but truth is i know and remember what it is like to struggle. To watch my mother struggle.
Nah, i'm not from the streets but from someones living room floor.
My mom was single with me for the 1st 4 years of my life, i remeber the good times, but i can see my moms tears, at the same time.
We had it "bad" at a point, moms had no money and we were living in and out of this womens living room.
y?
because, love bailed out on my mom for 3 years, the man that birthed me was too in love with himself to care for anyone else, and the man my mom was in love with left to sing with his band. 
but, i now call him dad. He came back for us and everything started to look bright for us. my mom had the love of her life, i had my mom and a father. we moved into an apartment, it was icky looking, but it was a place to call home,  i rember hearing my mom complain about the bugs and leaks. haha we didnt ive there long, we moved in with my aunt and her 1st husband.
around the same time i got my cat louie. still have him til this day, he my buddah boy :)

around age 7 we moved into this little house, i remeber alot in that house. so much thats a book itself, good times and .....bad :/ 

around age 13 i started to test my limits, and was exposed to things i should've never known or done. i regret dearly but at the same time glad, because then i wouldnt be where i am now, or know the people i know now.

i am thankful for this life that i have been blessed with, i wouldnt want it any other  way.


i love everyone that is apart of it to :)

Ok

So i'm starting to feel like a game board.
like my emotions are being toyed with, im told that we should be,
but how can we if he is in love with another, maybe not in love. but def. whipped :/ , its all talk but no action, i want to be with em but im feelin like he def. isn't feeling the same. but i can only sit, wait, and wish for so long ha i guess it's just starting to hurt because im strating to fall for em. fall hard, and the way its lookin  my landing is'nt goin to be smooth

Siting, waiting, wishing - jack johnson

I LOVE THIS SONG, IT IS OLD BUT A GOOD ONE.
I CAN RELATE TO THIS SONG

Grandmother

I'm posting this in memory of

Pamala anna kubista, my grandmother that i never had the pleasure of meeting

because, she suffered from breast cancer.
she pasted a year before and on the same day of my birth.1991 june3rd

i just want people to know cancer is a serious diesease it takes loved ones from people everyday.
 Help save hearts from aching. Help find the cure!


R.I.P grandma pam.

forevea in my heart. <3

Sit back and take life in

I'm just going to go in and say,
i've been a emotional mess at lately.
i've cried so much, that i almost feel rejuvanated haha
life is full of heart ach, pain, and unbareable moments.
but in the end, u learn to apprecitate the worse moments.
people come and they go
some will forever be apart of your life, and for others not so much.
i hate that people change, and that they walk out of your life.
But, that just leaves room for someone new to come in :)
i've meet some amazing people in my 17-18 years of life.
and i've also lost some amazing people.
"it is what it is, just be glad it is".

sit back and take it all in

Today

Today, i was on my way to the doctors, and as i sat in the passenger side.

i watched the trees, the road, the birds, the cars, pass by.

We came to a red light and i spotted a couple, in a parking lot, ingaged in a kiss.

it seemed as though they where i guess you could say stuck in time.

it looked like they were in a forever love.

The girl had pulled back aftter a moment or two had passed, and she smiled at him and
he at her.
My eyes filled with tears of happiness for them and a slight smile as the light turned green.


Then i noticed that there was one imparticluar person who came to mind, and i started to hear my heart in my head, beating, slowly, loudly, and starting to skip.


I shook my head,  looked up at the scattered clouds and then closed my eyes.
in hopes that it would all just fade away..............Today

Lonsome

Day by day i've been starting to feel more and more lonely.
why?
i don't know

i wish i did because this is a horrible feeling, feels like even though all these people are here, they're not really even here :/

Confidence

I want to start painting again...
but i just don't have an inspiration.
I feel like my drawing and paintings are
bullshit sometimes.
and i really love to creat and draw, paint what's on my mind, but
im scared of self failure

Ha i had painting class and pulled out b'c i felt i was'nt as good
as the other students. I felt like a joke.

I saw a physic a while back and he wanted to read me for free.
He had told me that i would have two carreers, but i would have great struggle
beacuse i simply don't have confidence.
And that it would be a long time til i finally gained it.
i look in the mirror and i see a decent looking girl, how has fawls but is ok with it.
i sign languge, draw, paint, design, sing, dance,
and i feel as though ..............................i will never be anything.
like, im not good enough.

But im going to try to start new, and show myself that everything i do is perfect, the way it is.

Life & Love

I don't think anyone truely understands what i mean when i ask
the questions i do about life and love

my mind is full of questions, of "WHY"
why would you live to go throught heart ach and pain, to get sick
to be happy and sad, fall in love or be lonely, then die.....
why?

why do i feel like my purpose is to make sure everyone else is happy.
it this funny feeling i have inside, it is very complicated to explain.

It's like something in my heart that tells me my hurt will pass but make sure, blahzablah is ok.
i hate this feeling because i want to have something go right for me, it sounds selfish but it's ...like i said complicated .

I fear that i will live this life and never find a love, and ill die alone.
But somethign in me say's that my friends and those i love will live a life in love.
& strangly ......that is ok.

Life is full of unhappiness for all, some i believe are put on this earth to suffer, to spare other. i wish this life everyone was in love, and happy

i believe that "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return "- moulin rouge.
my favorite quote, has been for years thats the qoute i will live my life off of. even thought i may never fall in love i wil share my love with everyone, and watch them be loved in return.

Pretty much

So pretty much my life has been a rocky mountian lately

school is hard and almost unmanagable like always.

Ive never been good at school, and each year only gets worse.
I hate my job with a passion, i couldn't hate a place anymore then mcdonalds.

Mom and sister have suffered from the flu,
surpisingly i havent yet.

Im single still, i have feelings for a guy that is taken, hmmp my luck.

I think of him daily and don't understand why i can't leave him alone.

I sometimes feel like i'm here for him when his girl is'nt, kinda like a sideline, ha lucky me. I mean...i don't kno im not going anywhere i plan to be here for him as a friend and whatever else, i guess.

My friends have been trying to hook me up with guy after guy and i really just don't care for any of them, non of them leave an impression.

My friends get highly upset because i'm so picky, and when i do like a guy it seems they play my emotions.
i've always been a softy.

I guess my biggest road block right now is this guy and my feelings.

I've also been having these exteremly strange dreams.

everynight, they are almost unexplainable. I think i need a phsyic haha

Smile

& the truth came out, now my heart has shut down.
allmy thoughts, kisses, hugs, laughs....for what?
Yeah, don't catch feelings, it's to late for that.
Don't trust him, i can't help but do that.
Your heart is fragile, yeah i kno that

He told me what i should've known.
A secret he could no longer condome.
My heart is aching, & even with the pain......
i can't be mad at him this way.
Genuine guy with funny pick up lines.
Style and an open mind.
All i can do is smile all the time
& hope that one day he'll be mines
even though she is your girl,
i guess i'll be fine

old skool

When im sad, i turn on luther vandross

when i feel like singing to the top of my lungs i turn on my r&b mix tapes

When i feel like life is almost unbareable, i trun on love songs

When im about to clean the house with my mom i turn on atomic funk.

people think im in love, weird, or a softy

the truth is i just have an old soul.

& Ima southern kinda girl, who simply just loves oldies :)

DREAM - this is something i wrote years ago

His skin so soft, with a light brown tone.
Perfectly proportioned here and there.
A dream he may seem, but so real
he catches everyones attention and put's my mind into another deminsion.
When he looks my way
with his hazel eyes.
A dream he may seem, and maybe not so real.
Confusing and heart breaking, he leaves me cold.
a kiss of lust and a smile so fake.
He gives my heart hope, then takes it away again.
A dream he may have been.
because there is now no trace of him
memories blurry, this is insane
He was a dream, a real life dream
but a nightmare he turned out to be for me.

-brianna marie fowler